If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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