so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
