I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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