i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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