You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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