I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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