omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
