You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
