im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I party with great urgency now.
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