MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
