i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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