hotel room ftw
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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