i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
