Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
