"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
