pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
