I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
