I wish my penis had an off switch
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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