So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
