God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
