Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Randomize
