You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
