The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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