i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
