There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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