playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
