ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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