hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
