Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
