dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
