So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
