Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
