So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
