Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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