Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
