How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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