Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
