She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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