And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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