Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
