we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
