Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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