perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
