ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
