So drunk, too bad you don't want this
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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