He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
