census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
