I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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