Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
