I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
